Indecision is worse than no decision.

Since joining the Illustration specialist pathway, I am more confident in what type of artist I am. I enjoy working around design, publications and printing. I have a passion for intertwining words, fonts, sounds and images altogether.

Over the duration of this course, I have been reminded of my self-defeating doubt. I feel it's a consequence of my nature: putting myself into the project, being absorbed in its world. This is useful for me as it allows me to understand styles and iconography necessary for the piece. I try to draw inspiration by searching for keywords in google, listening to music, reading articles and watching films relating to the subject/issue. But this has me feeling overwhelmed, like a crashing system with red lights flashing everywhere. I put so much devotion and energy constantly thinking about the work, I spend hours delving into the directions, aesthetics and meanings. I end up with many ideas, then not knowing which one to go with. Until after a week, where I realise I don't have any time left to be panicking, and I just go with the flow, and systems seem to start to recuperate.

Within my discipline, this has brought to the forefront an issue of distrust. After spending time in my specialist diagnosis, I have learned how to trust myself, and the process, more. I have learned that the process is far more valuable than the outcome.

The installation ‘Grave within a Grave’ , that I made for the Monumental project, marked a turning point in my practice as it is here that I realised how important process, being physical (actually making the ideas rather than keeping them theoretical) and decision making is. I was stuck in a loop of decisions, but never actually deciding on one. This was overcome by materialising my work. Taking the idea and making it. This then led me to even more ideas, allowing me to realise I cannot plan everything at the start, as unexpected bumps and blessings will show themselves along the way. The step from theorising my ideas to making them tangible opened a whole new crossroad as to where my idea could go. Taking influence for my final piece from an unexpected event during my experiments. Usually I hold off onto the making process until I have found the best idea, but this project has taught me that the MAKING will INFORM the idea.

FeministZine has really inspired my practice, especially their 1991 release of Riot Grrl, it has expanded my love for publications and masde me realise how easy it could be to create one myself. I loved how the paper was so thin and cheap, how they were able to reproduce many of these at a low cost, and give them away for free! I wish to create things for the love of art primarily, not for monetary benefit. I love the content as well, how it is actually passing a message whilst having a really attractive style that grabs your attention and draws you to the content, therefore spreading wider awareness.

Additionally, I had never really appreciated film/animation like I do now, our Kamishibai project opened my eyes to a new domain. Artist Don Hertzfeldt creates animations primarily with stickmen, but combining multiple styles which i adore. He is also quite honest and comedic in his work. I like the rawness and relation to real life, but the style he nurtures makes it so far from reality, the two juxtaposed perfectly into this familiar-unfamiliar world. This has inspired my work in ways that I have become more open and willing with other formats/styles, I have realised there are many ways to depict things.

Both artists have sparked my need to further explore the possibilities of publications and moving images. In the future, I would like to develop my work by creating more publications. I want to find an exciting way to develop a platform to engage audiences who have a vast ranging passion like mine, but also introduce things to people who may have more particular interests.

The work I have created in part 2 tends to theme around different expressions of being cast away. Progressing towards the end of the course, I have learned the joy of creating a more conceptual and client based outcome, these have helped me learn about myself, too. Within part 3, I aim to be more involved with other artists, research wise. I feel it is very important to inform my own work with inspiration from others. Additionally, displaying my works on a website, as ornaments, items as clothing/accessories, magazines and animation.

The process IS the learning opportunity. Engaging through exploration, expression, and discussion.

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